on June 28, 2020
Genres: Non-Fiction, Marriage
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More than 1.5 million people get divorced every year in the US alone. Of those, 74% identify as Christian. WHOLE is an invitation for you to connect with your faith in a healing way - no matter what denomination you ascribe to. WHOLE is written to accompany you on your journey, whether you're reading it alone, in a small group setting, or with a coach or counselor. You will be guided through the healing and grieving process. Then you're moved on to discover the underlying reasons your marriage ended and the beliefs that attracted you to a partner who may not have shared your values. WHOLE prepares you for healthy relationships, and safe, healthy, abiding love. You will be led to identify and work through your barriers, hurts, and blind spots. WHOLE can help you break out of generational dysfunction and create a legacy of peace and happiness for your future, and your children's future. Packed with Biblical wisdom and real life examples, WHOLE wraps you in grace and challenges you to embrace the description as God's masterpiece. Divorce isn't the end, it can be the beginning of a wonderful new chapter in your life; a full life of Faith, Hope, & Love.
Divorce. It’s a devastating word, particularly within the church. Divorce can bring shame or guilt. It brings stress and anxiety. It’s a cause for grief and sadness. A relationship that should never have been broken has been broken and the church community is, unfortunately, often not understanding of it. Whole is a book of restoration and renewal, written by a divorced woman for divorced women. It’s a bit rough around the edges. It lacks the polish of a professionally-published title. But it’s earnest, honest, and truthful. Vicki Losson writes from her own experience with the expertise of a life coach to create a solid resource for women going through divorce.
Whole is one of those books that probably gets sold most often by the author at their various speaking engagements. That’s not a knock on the book. It’s simply to say that the book is an extension of Losson’s speaking/coaching ministry and it probably best viewed as a companion to it. Losson’s story is at the heart of this book, and it’s her own experience and overcoming that makes this a book worth reading.
Losson begins with blunt honesty: Divorce is awful, but sometimes necessary. This is already shocking to much of conservative evangelical society, which would agree with the first half, but argue strongly against the last. The church has an odd relationship with divorce, and divorced women in particular. Women are told to submit to their husbands, to stay in abusive situations, to keep praying, to endure, and so on. Divorce is only an option if there’s a sexual affair. Losson stands on a much firmer foundation: There is not commandment against divorce…Divorce is a tragic, painful, messy result of breaking commandments. But, in itself, divorce is not sinful. That theological point, could be argued of course, and it is, but Losson doesn’t have any of it. She validates divorcing women and, let’s face it, any Christian woman reading this book is very likely to have seriously agonized over the decision to divorce or faced shame over it.
The rest of the book is laid out like a small group program. She validates the grief that goes along with the lost relationship. She teaches women to evaluate themselves and their role in the loss, not to blame but to keep from going back to the same tendencies. The strongest chapter of Whole is entitled “Survival Mode.” Here, Losson gets intensely practical. Divorce doesn’t just affect one relationship; it affects all your relationships. She walks readers through the financial considerations of divorce, something particularly helpful for women who may not have been in the workforce.
Whole talks about living as a single-parent family, dealing with addiction and addictive tendencies, developing new friendships and relationships, and creating healthy boundaries. It’s a blueprint that’s built out of Losson’s own brokenness and pathway to healing. While the writing style wavers at times and a general aura of amateurishness is evident throughout, it actually fits with the book’s tone.
This isn’t a professional telling you how to get your life together.
This isn’t a sociologist dispassionately discussing divorce statistics.
This isn’t a pastor or counselor speaking about something they know in theory but have never experienced.
This is Vicki Losson telling you her story and what she’s learned along the way. And there’s something beautiful in that.